I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
