She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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