I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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