My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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