I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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