U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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