i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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