In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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