So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
