Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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