hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
