its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
