She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
