I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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