3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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