did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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