Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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