we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
