does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
