Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
