Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't put those talents on a resume
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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