No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
