Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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