Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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