ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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