you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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