he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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