I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
