i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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