I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
