I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
