yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
