the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
