Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
