I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize