Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
