I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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