It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
