Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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