are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
