Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize