So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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