We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
