So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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