when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
