this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
