I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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