...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
North Korea, Best Korea!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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