I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
