I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
