I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
