sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
