Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
