If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We just shotgunned beers for America
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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