Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
