I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
