I am spending my child support on dildos
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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