A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
