Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
