why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
