How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize