I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
