even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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