I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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