My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
