He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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