I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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