Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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