Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
