Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
