so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
