last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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