if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
