There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
