You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Panties = found
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