areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
