2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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