I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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