In the future we'll all be gay
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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