i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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