mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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