The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
