She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize